Excuse I (comeuppances) wrote in ask_dr_model,
Excuse I
comeuppances
ask_dr_model

Cycle EIGHT?! Seriously?

Okay, so I may be the worst moderator ever, but give me a break - last season was boring. I do, however, have high hopes for this season. For some reason...

I haven't watched the premiere episode yet because I needed naptime and alonetime yesterday. So Lisa and I will be watching tonight, and we'll have commentary tomorrow. Probably.

Until then, please enjoy this quickcap from Television Without Pity and a preview of these new bitches before their makeovers.

The Girl Who Won't Stop Talking
The show that makes you feel like the President of MENSA is back, baby. It's audition time, and bitches abound. These include a mail-order bride, a human ink blotter, someone with a repossessed weave, two fatties, a dentist, and at least three of the original cast members of Paris Is Burning. There are a lot of girls at first, then fewer, then thirteen. The majority of them appear to be f'ing nuts. For their first photo shoot, the girls must pose in a politically-themed shoot, and non-controversial entity Nigel Barker does the photography honors. Punky whackjob Jael is sick, until she benefits from the healing power of a hula hoop. Kathleen is just...well, let's just say that the wattage from the light socket she stuck her finger in totally bypassed the brainial area. After the photo shoot, it's on to the Goodwill, where the girls perform in a charity runway show, with proceeds going to the "vocationally challenged." I guess this means Miss J. will get the whopping $286 they raised. Jael wins the challenge, predictably because the audience the production crew wrangled from the methadone clinic next door can relate to her most. Meanwhile, Maui-based mom Renee shows her bitchy side, and braggy Sarah earns the ire of many. At judging, Jaslene (whom you may remember from being batshit crazy and relentlessly jowly from last season's auditions) does surprisingly well. Most of the other photos are so-so. In the end, we come down to the heretofore mentioned remarkably dumb Kathleen (who opines that it's okay to take the fur of animals for coats if they've died of natural causes in the jungle, because animals die of natural causes sometimes, don't they? Yeah, I'll take that chinchilla with the tire tracks on the back) and also relatively dumb Jael, who doesn't enjoy winning challenges because maybe people won't like her then. In the end, Tyra and Co. decide that a two-hour premiere episode will probably provide a sufficient campaign against fetal alcohol syndrome, and so they send Kathleen home. That banging sound you hear? Yeah, she's still trying to find her way out of the judging room.



Brittany

Occupation: Bartender
Age: 21
Hometown: Savannah, GA
No. And I accidentally saw her photo from this week's shoot and GOD DAMN! Oogly.

Cassandra

Occupation: Student
Age: 24
Hometown: Seattle, WA

I'm a little up in the air on her. I think I need to see more photos, but I like her bird's nest hair...

Diana

Occupation: Student
Age: 21
Hometown: Garfield, NJ

Another plussy named Diana? Or what the other one just Diane? I can't remember. Either way, she's not terribly pretty, but that could just be the angle.

Dionne

Occupation: Student
Age: 20
Hometown: Montgomery, AL

She looks like a bit of a hot mess... Y/Y? Why aren't they telling us how tall these bitches are this season? This hobag looks a little too tall.

Felicia

Occupation: Sales Associate
Age: 19
Hometown: Houston, TX

She's not bad. I'm not a fan of the hair color, but she seems pretty enough. They ened to give her a weave with more body though. And darker hair. And maybe remove the nails?

Jael

Occupation: Band Manager
Age: 22
Hometown: Detriot, MI

Band manager? WHICH BAND?!?! The Tatted Hobags?
What's her deal anyway? Is she as awful as she looks? Is she like that bitch from last cycle (Megg?) who kept saying she's "ROCK AND ROLL! AAAAAH!"? Anyone?

Jaslene

Occupation: Online College Admissions Advisor
Age: 20
Hometown: Chicago, IL

I'm not feelin' the bone structure. Or hair. OR JOB! HA!

Kathleen

Occupation: Hair Stylist
Age: 20
Hometown: Brooklyn, NY

Looks like Kathleen might have the best body so far. Other than that though? Yuck.

Natasha

Occupation: College Student
Age: 21
Hometown: Dallas, TX

College student, huh? You smarty!
Seriously though, Natasha seems like the modeliest one I've seen. I've looked at a few other pictures of her, and this one does not do her justice. Dare I peg her as the first one I think is pretty?

Renee

Occupation: Stay-at-Home-Mom
Age: 20
Hometown: Maui, HI

Stay at home mom? YOU BITCH! YOU'RE LIVING MY DREAM LIFE! STAY AT HOME MOM WHO'S ALSO ON TOP MODEL. And you're not even ugly! Booooooo!

Samantha

Occupation: Sales Associate
Age: 19
Hometown: Pinson, AL

I am NOT feelin' the eyebrows, Sam. I'd say there's a little something about her face that reminds me of our very own Dr. Model. But that seems like an insult... Oh! I know who she looks like! Kimberly Williams.

Sarah

Occupation: Photographer
Age: 20
Hometown: Lake Zurich, IL

Photographer, huh? So was CariDee...
Call me biased, but I like her skin (and her name). I'm not liking her hair length (or color for that matter). And she looks like a slutified Laura Dern in the group shot, so I don't know how high my hopes are.

Whitney

Occupation: College Student
Age: 21
Hometown: West Palm Beach, FL

TWO PLUSSIES IN ONE CYCLE! UNHEARD OF!
She actually sort of looks like this woman I work with named Vanessa. But I think Vanessa looks like a man, so.



Which hobag do YOU like this cycle?!
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